Day 26: Ron Swanson, The Ultimate Uplifter

Every once in a while, I need someone who is essentially the opposite of me to punch me in the face and get me back in gear. Someone who chokes the hell out of reason and acceptance and passivity and good manners and just says, "Stop you're whining and get on with it already." 

Today was such a day. Today, I needed some Ron Swanson in my life. I needed to attend the Church of Swanson. I needed to worship at the Altar of Swanson. I needed Ron Swanson to pick me up and kick my in the ass and get me back in the game. Today, when I seemingly swam against the current each and every minute, Ron Swanson came to my rescue yet again. Thank you, Ron Swanson. 

I've been a longtime fan and would-be follower of John Wooden's Pyramid of Success. There's so much that's positive to be gained that everyone should spend at least a few hours taking a look, whether you like basketball or not. Still, as much as I respect Wooden and everything he accomplished and passed on to thousands of people, I'd argue there's as much to learn from studying the philosophies of Ron Swanson and climbing his own Pyramid of Success. 

In many ways, Ron Swanson is my hero. In many ways, I aspire to be like him. I don't share his politics or attraction to crazy women per se, but Ron Swanson is a man's man, and I respect the hell out of that. He's self-reliant. He pulls no punches. He adores meat and makes no, er, bones about it. He avoids sharing emotions with fellow man whenever possible and is comfortably an island onto himself. Ron Swanson buries his gold. Ron Swanson knows government doesn't matter. Ron Swanson is a master handyman. God bless you, Ron Swanson. You fill me with optimism. 

Pearls of Swanson Wisdom: 

• Ron Swanson: I don't want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief.
• Ron Swanson: (On fishing) “It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something.”
• Ron Swanson: “I’m surrounded by a lot of women in this department. And that includes the men.”
• Ron Swanson: “The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am. I’m not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.”
• Ron Swanson: “I won’t publicly endorse a product unless I use it exclusively. My only official recommendations are U.S. Army issued mustache trimmers, Morton’s salt, and the C.R. Lawrence Fein two inch axe-style scraper oscillating knife blade.”
• Ron Swanson: "When I’m done eating a Mulligan’s meal, for weeks afterwards there are flecks of meat in my mustache and I refuse to clean it because every now and then a piece of meat will fall into my mouth.”
• Ron Swanson: “The whole thing is a scam. Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.”