Yesterday, I read an amazing article published at
OregonLive.com that a friend posted on Facebook. I’m so thankful I took the
time to actually click the link and read it. Often, I see things that look
interesting or that I know I should spend a few minutes reading or looking at but
don’t for one reason or another. I often think that when I do, there’s a higher
power at work that leads me to veer down a tangent I didn’t expect to travel on
in order to learn a lesson or identify an issue I’ve been neglecting or to just contemplate
the importance of some aspect of my life that I haven’t been devoting enough
attention to. Whatever the reason, yesterday, I took a few moments, stepped off
the beaten path, and was greatly rewarded for doing so and by what I found.
Though I highly encourage everyone to read the article, if
you don’t, it essentially boils down to a man making an apology to another man who
he felt he had done wrong. It’s that simple; a basic story that details a man’s
need to say, “I’m sorry, and I needed you to hear that.” But this article is
also about so much more. It’s about perseverance and morals and ethics and
bravery and humbleness and introspection. It’s about looking deep within
yourself, recognizing you’ve made mistakes, and recognizing that you can become
a better person by staring down those mistakes and rectifying them, no matter
how difficult or exhausting or painful it may be. This is an article about a
man who as a boy felt he had dishonored a teacher. Thirty-nine years later he did something about it by making amends for his actions. It’s an article about
healing painful wounds. Who doesn’t have some of those in his or her closet
that could use some exorcising?
The article led me into some deep thought concerning the
various apologies that I need to make myself. The wrongs that I need to make
right. The people I did wrong and how it may have changed them. How if I’d have carried my actions out differently, their lives may have turned out slightly
different, too. Everyone has such apologies to make. Everyone puts at least
some of these on the backburner. Everyone eventually puts enough distance
between their transgressions and themselves, whether purposefully or because
they lack the courage or vulnerability or humbleness to confront and rectify
them. Despite the time and distance, though, the mistakes we’ve made, particularly
the egregious ones, remain. They don’t truly disappear.
As in the case of the man in this article, it’s
understandable why we make some mistakes. We can go to great lengths to
rationalize some errors and even fully believe the rationalizations. Still, no
amount of rationalization will truly ease the discomfort of knowing you’ve
caused someone pain, intentionally or not. It won’t dissipate completely the discomfort
and disappointment and truth that we know about ourselves, that when we were faced
with some type of adversity, we took the easy way out or looked the other way
rather than risk vulnerability or demonstrate strength in order to do the right
thing at the right time.
I know I’ve failed to do the right thing at the right time
many times. I know some of those failures are probably forgivable, but they’re
still failures. Forgiving them doesn’t change the fact that I wavered when I
should have stood tall. It doesn’t change the fact that I kept my mouth shut
when it should have been wide open. It doesn’t change the fact that instead of
stepping directly into battle, I flinched momentarily or failed to engage at
all.
Positively, I think that as I’ve aged and grown more aware
of the importance of standing on principles, I’ve done a better job of making
it clear where I stand and taking decisive action when it was needed, whether
that meant risking exposing myself in some way or putting myself in the minority
and risking the contempt and ridicule of the larger majority. Still, I know
there are those who I owe an apology to, those who I should have stepped up and
fought for but didn’t. Whether it was a classmate so many years ago who could
have benefited from having me fight on their behalf against or a child being
berated by a parent in the grocery store, I know I could have done more.
Whether it was a girlfriend I could have treated better or a stranger I could
have reached out to with aid and comfort, I know I could have done more. Whether
it was family I took my anger out on or friends I took for granted, I know
there are apologies to make.
I’m not sure where one should draw the line between simply learning from your past and actively doing something to address the past,
between letting sleeping dog lie and making a wrong a right. I’m not sure if
some people even want such apologies. Perhaps they’ve made their own peace and
it didn't require having anything to do with those who slighted them. I do know there’s
much to be gained from reflecting on those you’ve failed and using that
knowledge to not let it repeat in the future. I do know that I sincerely mean
it when I say if I’ve done you harm or caused you pain, I do apologize.
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