Day 134: Happy Belated Mother's Day

If you’ve been in the midst of a good mother, you know it. They exude something special that’s almost impossible to describe. They possess some strange power that’s teaming with elements of loyalty, unwavering support, forgiveness, unconditional love, patience, understanding, and tolerance. Fathers can possess these same elements, but they seem to have trouble exhibiting all of them simultaneously. I guess I shouldn’t speak for all fathers. It would be more accurate to say I have trouble exhibiting all those elements at once, but I don’t think I’m alone. The ability to balance unwavering support and while showing patience at the same time, for example, is usually a deal-breaker for me. My nature is to lay out my expectations clearly and upfront. I don’t suffer fools too easily, and that includes my kids. Hence, when they fall short, out goes understanding and out goes patience. Enter mom.

The world would be a sad, sad place without mothers. Imagine if mothers died immediately after giving birth, as happens with some species. Imagine if all children were left to fend for themselves immediately upon entering the world. Imagine what an ugly, narcissistic, violent, everyman-for-himself place it would be. (More so than already, that is.) Imagine if kids didn’t have at least one kind, understanding face to look into. Imagine if they didn’t have at least one source of truth to count on.

Good mothers can make a life. A bad mother can break it beyond repair. A good mother can inspire and soothe. A bad mother can create a monster. A good mother can heal and transform a broken soul. A bad mother can mangle it beyond recognition. There’s an inherent power and force that mothers can wield for the positive that I’ve seen nothing else like.

I think of all types of mothers, I have the most admiration for single mothers, particularly those who are left with little to no help from a dead-beat dad. The strength and patience and devotion that such mothers must exhibit on a daily basis is amazing. There is no buffer for a single mother. She makes all the decisions. She takes all the blame. She holds all the responsibility. She is the bank. She is the bread winner. She is the emotional epicenter. She is the disciplinarian. She cooks all the meals. She cleans all the dishes. She mends all the cuts. She fixes all the breaks. She picks up all the slack. She is the sun and moon. There’s no divvying up chores and duties and parent-teacher conferences and waiting for a teenager to come home past curfew and reading books to a toddler and lending a shoulder to cry on. Take a close at people you know who were raised by a single mom. There’s a closeness there typically that goes beyond the norm.

I’ve been so lucky to be surrounded by strong, supportive, devoted mothers, including my own and my wife. Fortunately, you can be a man but still learn a thing or two from the way a strong mother conducts herself. Just watch how she protects her child. Watch how she guards her child. Watch how she covets. Watch how she partakes. Watch how she resolves.

For any of my faults and areas where I probably fall short as a dad, I like to think I have the best of intentions for my kids at heart. I know I’m offering them something positive that will help them as adults. I know they’re learning things from me, and I know I give of my time willingly and generously. But being a mother is different. A father can offer a sense of strength and protection to a child. A mother, though, offers comfort. Eases the pain. Alleviates the hurt. And she does it instinctively.