Since I can remember, I’ve had a problem
with overly cheerful people, the kind of bubbly, effervescent individuals who are
seemingly capable of only forming one facial expression: a big, fat, wide
smile. These people who bounce into a room and leave it the very same way, who
speak with the same twinkly enthusiasm about cleaning the toilet as they do
about that gosh darn dog next door that keep them up all night barking, and who find
each and every meal as tasty and scrumptious as the last have always grinded painfully on my nerves.
For the longest time, I couldn’t figure
out why this was so. “It shouldn’t be this way,” I’ve reasoned.
“What’s so wrong with finding delight in so many things?” “What’s the harm in
finding brightness in every corner of the world?” “What’s so objectionable to
being seemingly peppy and perky and on top of the world all day every day?”
Slowly, I started to form hypotheses
about why these people, of which I’ve run across many over the years, seemed to
be in such conflict with my own personality. My first conclusion was these
people aren’t really as joyous as they let on. They’re overcompensating. They’re
deceiving. They’re masking something. They’re faking it to make it. They’re
doing the happy dance to trick themselves into believing that they really are
that happy when the fact is they're deeply dissatisfied with the lemons that life has handed them but they don't want to admit. Maybe their parents didn't allow them to feel sorry for themselves. Maybe they're just not capable of seeing below the surface. Maybe they don't see any merit or feel there's anything to learn from feeling miserable.
Another of my all-too wise conclusions has
been that these people really don’t stand for anything important. They’re too busy concentrating on the trivial aspects of life to notice things are kind of crappy all over. Oh, they’re seemingly always the first
to volunteer and lend a hand and do it with an eager smile, but when it comes
to taking a side on real life-altering and possibly conflicting issues, they don't seem eager to. In fact, they never seem to state anything controversial. Why?
Because that would mean upsetting someone, and upsetting people isn’t happy.
I've also surmised that these glowing,
endlessly enthusiastic souls have seemed to me to actually be lonely deep down under all that perceived rapture. They seem to be on a solo
journey in their happiness. Most of these people, I’ve found, aren’t married or
involved in deep, meaningful relationships. Why? Because no one can stand being
around that type of a unbridled joy full-time. Or perhaps it’s because that
behind closed doors, these perpetual smilers are really a pain in the ass and attempting
to live with that type of phoniness isn’t worth it in the end.
These days, I’m pretty much convinced
that it hasn’t really been these people that I’ve been in conflict with all along
but rather it was me I was conflicted with. In other words, there has been sizable
case of jealously at work on my part where these individuals are concerned. I've been bitter that some people are so damn happy. I'm resentful. I envious. I want to know they're damn secrets.
Maybe they really are that happy and there are perfectly good reasons they’ve
seized on to that happiness. Maybe they realize that life is a gift and a
treasure, and they don’t squander that gift. Maybe they have a deep and utter
conviction in something that’s more powerful then themselves and that
realization is a source of endless sunshine and I’m too narrow-minded and blind
to see it myself. Maybe these people I’ve judged as being phony are indeed real
and it’s me who is the fake. Maybe they’re the smart ones for letting themselves
feel things I never made myself available to. Maybe they’re introspective and
contemplative and learned in the sense that they know something is afoot that I
don’t have the vision to pick up on. Or maybe, they just refuse to be affected
by those things that shouldn’t affect us. Their armor is stronger than mine. I’ve
found that people who say they don’t a damn what anyone else things, after all,
really do.
In any case, I’ve changed my tune
somewhat I believe. The reality is that the bubbly ones still aggravate me to a
certain extent but I’m willing to investigate if that feeling is really
aggravation or really self-loathing. I still have my lingering doubts about
these happy souls who have annoyed me over the years, but at least I’m starting
to rethink my position and am willing to investigate if there’s a possibility that they
indeed are the ones that have it together and I’m the sorry sack that could use
some retooling.
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