Earlier today, I started writing this post, filling it with a big bunch of words that oozed with all forms of negativity. I mean, they were dripping with beads of spite and anger and bitterness and mean-spirited intent the size of basketballs. And I have to admit, it felt damn good to stringing those words together. Damn good.
But the more I thought about them, the less satisfying they began to feel. There's something to said for the spur of the moment and letting it fuel you. There's also something to be said of taking the time to reflect. Today, the more I pondered those words, the more I asked if they really were going to do anyone other than myself any good. It didn't take long to realize the answer to that question was obvious. Nope, not much.
To make matters worse, nearly all the words I compiled were reactionary. They were more or less just sentences that I created to lash out at people who have been pissing me off---with their own words, with the opinions and half-baked theories they've been forcing down the throats of anyone unfortunate enough to be in their midst. I have to say, though, I really like some of those sentences. Despite a year of attempting to be positive, I still do my best work when I'm angry and up in arms. I'm a fighter (with words at least). I'm not a loverboy so much.
I especially like fighting blowhards and knuckleheads and dimwits who speak from a self-serving foundation. I don't like people who throw their Biblical passages at me as if I'm in need of their sympathy or saving. I don't like ego-maniacal muscleheads who bully people into "knowing their place." I don't like people who tell me how much I do or don't care for the troops. I don't like people telling me the worth of a man when they've shown no worth to themselves, their family, their community, or their country in their own right. I don't like sore losers, people who spew empty threats, or uninformed hypocrites who ignore history to their favor.
But you know what? Being reactionary is to be without discipline. Without focus. Being reactionary is to stray.
Maybe it's the fact that I'm punch drunk from the election or that I'm sleep-deprived or I'm just feeling ornery, but I woke up today ready to willingly throw down. But funny things started to happen throughout the day to make me re-evaluate my moronic reactionary positions.
Things like the three deer that nearly steamrolled me along the trail at lunch as I ran. "Dude," they said, "you're on our turf, you're tiny, you're insignificant to us, and you need to know your role and witness our beauty." And I did.
Things like my little girl greeting me with a hug and a genuine smile as I walked through the door, telling me how much she hates my job because it keeps us from playing all day, and that she loved me. Love and innocence makes everything brighter and better.
Things like my oldest kid learning today that he got a job in a field that he loves and has always wanted to explore. An opportunity. A chance. A beginning. A door opening. A future. Excitement. Hope.
I guess it donned on me that if you're not helping the ship stay afloat, you're part of the dead weight that's sinking it. I'd rather the boat stayed above water.
There are plenty of people I'm never going to respect, and I accept that. And although I'm not proud of it, I'll probably even take a little joy in watching them suffer a little bit on a day like this when they've been so loud and so hateful and so demonstrative and unrestrained for so many weeks and months prior. But I'm fairly certain one of these election years in the future, it will be my turn to have that bad day. I'd hope that when that day comes, I'll not bitch and whine and carry on about the injustice or offer up conspiracy theories as to how such a travesty occurred. I hope I'll instead respect the fact that the majority didn't agree with my stance. It would be nice, though, that when such a time arrives, some a-hole doesn't start popping off by writing a bunch of words, declaring how little he thinks and feels for me.
So, I'm going that route today. I'm not going to fan the flames. I'm not going to partake in the sour grapes being offered up. I'm not going to feed the monster. Rather, I'm going to give this grace and dignity and higher road stuff I hear others talk about a try and see where it takes me.
But the more I thought about them, the less satisfying they began to feel. There's something to said for the spur of the moment and letting it fuel you. There's also something to be said of taking the time to reflect. Today, the more I pondered those words, the more I asked if they really were going to do anyone other than myself any good. It didn't take long to realize the answer to that question was obvious. Nope, not much.
To make matters worse, nearly all the words I compiled were reactionary. They were more or less just sentences that I created to lash out at people who have been pissing me off---with their own words, with the opinions and half-baked theories they've been forcing down the throats of anyone unfortunate enough to be in their midst. I have to say, though, I really like some of those sentences. Despite a year of attempting to be positive, I still do my best work when I'm angry and up in arms. I'm a fighter (with words at least). I'm not a loverboy so much.
I especially like fighting blowhards and knuckleheads and dimwits who speak from a self-serving foundation. I don't like people who throw their Biblical passages at me as if I'm in need of their sympathy or saving. I don't like ego-maniacal muscleheads who bully people into "knowing their place." I don't like people who tell me how much I do or don't care for the troops. I don't like people telling me the worth of a man when they've shown no worth to themselves, their family, their community, or their country in their own right. I don't like sore losers, people who spew empty threats, or uninformed hypocrites who ignore history to their favor.
But you know what? Being reactionary is to be without discipline. Without focus. Being reactionary is to stray.
Maybe it's the fact that I'm punch drunk from the election or that I'm sleep-deprived or I'm just feeling ornery, but I woke up today ready to willingly throw down. But funny things started to happen throughout the day to make me re-evaluate my moronic reactionary positions.
Things like the three deer that nearly steamrolled me along the trail at lunch as I ran. "Dude," they said, "you're on our turf, you're tiny, you're insignificant to us, and you need to know your role and witness our beauty." And I did.
Things like my little girl greeting me with a hug and a genuine smile as I walked through the door, telling me how much she hates my job because it keeps us from playing all day, and that she loved me. Love and innocence makes everything brighter and better.
Things like my oldest kid learning today that he got a job in a field that he loves and has always wanted to explore. An opportunity. A chance. A beginning. A door opening. A future. Excitement. Hope.
I guess it donned on me that if you're not helping the ship stay afloat, you're part of the dead weight that's sinking it. I'd rather the boat stayed above water.
There are plenty of people I'm never going to respect, and I accept that. And although I'm not proud of it, I'll probably even take a little joy in watching them suffer a little bit on a day like this when they've been so loud and so hateful and so demonstrative and unrestrained for so many weeks and months prior. But I'm fairly certain one of these election years in the future, it will be my turn to have that bad day. I'd hope that when that day comes, I'll not bitch and whine and carry on about the injustice or offer up conspiracy theories as to how such a travesty occurred. I hope I'll instead respect the fact that the majority didn't agree with my stance. It would be nice, though, that when such a time arrives, some a-hole doesn't start popping off by writing a bunch of words, declaring how little he thinks and feels for me.
So, I'm going that route today. I'm not going to fan the flames. I'm not going to partake in the sour grapes being offered up. I'm not going to feed the monster. Rather, I'm going to give this grace and dignity and higher road stuff I hear others talk about a try and see where it takes me.
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