Day 40: The F Word

I’ve been thinking about the F-word this morning for some reason, probably because it’s been flowing out of the mouths of the people seated around me fairly frequently. It’s strange because the F word is probably my favorite word of all. Love its versatility. Love its force. Love its simplicity. I even love the controversy it manages to conjure up in countless ways. There are few other words one can shape and mold and make fit into virtually any situation, and I can’t think of too many situations where the F word can’t find a home. Beyond “Love,” it’s hard to think of another four-letter word with as much universal functionality, and there are some powerful four-letter words out there (hope, kind, stop, hurt, etc.) Still, I’ve been bothered to hear it this morning, and I can’t figure out why.

If you know me well, you know my fondness for dropping the f-bomb fast and furiously—in safe company and in certain settings, that is. Back in the good ole’ days of playing softball or slapping paint on walls all day or just about any other situation where decorum wasn’t mandatory the f-word was a staple of my vocabulary. Hell, who am I fooling? The word became a staple back on the playground. If I had a quarter for every time I’ve uttered “f*ck,” I could build a temple to worship the word at.

I like to think, though, that I’m fairly responsible about where and when I use it, although there have definitely been times when I spoke the word, saw the reaction in the eyes of those near me, and instantly regretted it. I used to promise myself that I’d never say the word in front of my kids. I haven’t entirely lived up to that  promise, but more often than not I do pretty well. Even if I’m talking with my 19-year-old, I cringe when it comes out of my mouth. Rationally, I know he’s 19, he’s heard a lot worse, and I’m fairly certain it doesn’t even faze him. I know it doesn’t faze him to say the word to me, something that also makes my cringe. Still, there’s something unsavory about when I do it, and I feel a little less responsible and dignified and appropriate when it happens.

My problem where the F-word is concerned is that I have several nonsensical standards where its usage is concerned. These standards literally make no sense, yet for some reason I can’t shake them. For example, I’ve said the words plenty of times to friends during personal conversations while at work, but when I hear other people doing it, my radar goes off and an alarm sounds. “That’s not cool,” I’ll think to myself. “Save that f*cking” stuff for somewhere else.” I guess “discrepancy” is really the word I should be concentrating on. “Hypocrite” might be a good one, too. It also pains my ears to hear certain women say the word, another double-standard that I can’t make a good argument for but have tried to unsuccessfully on more than one occasion, only to wind up sounding and feeling as dumb as my argument is. “Women are too sophisticated to use that word.” “It takes away from a woman’s beauty.” “It just doesn’t sound right.” Yeah, all BS, I know.

Despite my prevalence for starting and ending sentences with “f*ck,” I’ve respect for and admire people who don’t use the word. I imagine this is due to their personal tastes, just like my own. I also imagine there are moral or decency purposes attached, as well. I’ve heard more than one person, for example, argue that they won’t “resort” to using that word or any other curse word, and I understand the reasoning. I could go as far and even say I agree. There’s a certain four-letter word some idiots refer to women by that no one should use or try to defend. Still, I don’t consider my use of the F-word as “resorting” to anything. I choose to use it. 

In spite of my confused reasoning and hypocrisy, just saying this one word can lift my spirits or fill me full of needed motivation or inspire confidence or allow me to express the shock or awe or reverence I’m feeling. To this day, I take great delight in hearing or seeing the word used in ways I haven't previously. Think you have a creative use? Drop it on me. I may or may not be offended.