So, I had all sorts of plans for this weekend. All sorts of things I wanted to get done. And for the most part, I've failed miserably. Most because I hurt my back Friday morning. Since then, my existence has been one that's largely been lying on the couch and thinking nonstop about all the things I'm not getting done. Today, that frustrated came to a head and I blew, in so many words. Primarily, I let my bad mood take over and vent itself all over everyone else. Exactly the thing I didn't want to do. Now, I'm pissed at myself.
People take their crap out on other people all the time. Usually the people who get the crap taken on out are family, or at least those who are conveniently within earshot. I hate taking crap out on my family. It never leads to any good. It only leads to having to make a bunch of apologies and beating yourself up, which is what I've been doing most of the day, and deservedly so. My back doesn't feel any better, my self-worth feels even worse, and the crappy, lonely feeling that was pouring all over my head before has only turned into a downpour. Nice.
Now, the question is what am I going to do about it? Anybody can be Mr. Good Guy when everything is going right. Not everyone can be as stand-up and quality when everything is going poorly. I don't want to be Mr. Ass just because things aren't all rosy and cuddly for me right now. I don't even necessarily want to be Mr. Good Guy. I just want to be honest and straight up. Hey, I'm in a bad mood. Things kind of suck right now. Let me warn you that I'm likely to be a jerk at any minute, so take caution. And if I should take my crap out on you, I apologize up front. I don't mean to be.
I really do hate days like these, where it feels like I'm walking in a desert and there's no way to water. No where to shade. Just unrelenting sun beating on my head, stripping away layers one after another. Nothing satisfies. Nothing soothes. Nothing makes even one second better. All that there is really to do is ride the wave out. Just ride it out and try not to take anyone with me as I do.
I have great kids who can really accept an apology and understand when their parents aren't having their best days. I'm very lucky in that regard.
People take their crap out on other people all the time. Usually the people who get the crap taken on out are family, or at least those who are conveniently within earshot. I hate taking crap out on my family. It never leads to any good. It only leads to having to make a bunch of apologies and beating yourself up, which is what I've been doing most of the day, and deservedly so. My back doesn't feel any better, my self-worth feels even worse, and the crappy, lonely feeling that was pouring all over my head before has only turned into a downpour. Nice.
Now, the question is what am I going to do about it? Anybody can be Mr. Good Guy when everything is going right. Not everyone can be as stand-up and quality when everything is going poorly. I don't want to be Mr. Ass just because things aren't all rosy and cuddly for me right now. I don't even necessarily want to be Mr. Good Guy. I just want to be honest and straight up. Hey, I'm in a bad mood. Things kind of suck right now. Let me warn you that I'm likely to be a jerk at any minute, so take caution. And if I should take my crap out on you, I apologize up front. I don't mean to be.
I really do hate days like these, where it feels like I'm walking in a desert and there's no way to water. No where to shade. Just unrelenting sun beating on my head, stripping away layers one after another. Nothing satisfies. Nothing soothes. Nothing makes even one second better. All that there is really to do is ride the wave out. Just ride it out and try not to take anyone with me as I do.
I have great kids who can really accept an apology and understand when their parents aren't having their best days. I'm very lucky in that regard.
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