“Are you doing what you believe in, or
are you settling for what you are doing?”
That’s a question I read in an article
entitled “30 Questions That Will Change The Way You Think.” It’s a question I’ve
actually been pondering in one way or another for, seemingly, ever. Even if not
thinking about the question as it’s specifically worded here, I’m still thinking
about it, wondering if I could better be using my time, questioning if I’m
wasting my time, thinking about how I could better serve the time I’ve been
given, etc.
This has been particularly true as of
late. I’m turning 45 in a few days. I know that I probably won’t live until I’m
90, which means I have fewer years ahead of me than I do behind. That fact has
me feeling as if I’m in a pickle or sorts. Given all the responsibilities and
obligations that I have to myself and others, how do I get done the things I
really want to get done? For example, I don’t want to ever mow my lawn again,
and I wouldn’t if it wasn’t an expected obligation that society has placed on
me. So I do it once a week or so for a couple hours at a time, along with too
many other similar obligations than I can count. Performing all these
obligations takes time. A lot of time. A lot of time I could otherwise use to, say,
climb a mountain or walk the Appalachian Trail or live a monk’s existence for a
few months or read every book that I’ve ever wanted to read or spend day after
day learning martial arts or spend all my energy and time fighting to win every
fight I deem worth fighting. That last item alone would easily take up every
second of the rest of my life, and I’m quite certain even if I did, the
possibility of even winning one battle, say, endless homelessness in America,
would be a miracle.
I totally get why some people check out.
Just decide one day that they’ve had enough and escape all the pressures and
worries and start doing only what they want to do. I also understand that to do
so successfully requires a massive amount of selfishness and willpower to
abandon anyone and anything you previously were responsible to, but I
understand why certain people have a breaking point and do it. I don’t
particularly admire or condone such a decision, but I understand it. The people
I really admire are those who can manage to live up to their obligations but still
live life according to what they believe in, whatever that might entail. Sure,
there are all kinds of sacrifices we have to make day in and day out, but how
many of us ultimately just settle? Just throw up our hands and resign ourselves
to believe that “this is as good as it gets?” Some of us make peace with that
resignation. Some of us let it eat us up little by little until we become nothing
but bitter shells of our former selves. But the best of us, the best of us find
the middle ground where we don’t settle and don’t abandon responsibilities and
live deeply personal purposeful lives.
Ultimately, I have to believe that doing
what you believe in is possible, even if done in small increments. It could
mean putting an extra $5 in the collection basket or keeping the gym open five
extra minutes for the poverty-ridden urban kids who don’t have much of a home
to go to or just walking down a stretch of road and picking up the damn trash.
As for myself, I firmly believe I have a duty to live out the next half of my
life responsibly and productively and use whatever skills I’ve acquired to
better those things that I can. Change can happen at any time and in any place
and take any form. That’s what I want to believe in, and that’s how I want to
live.
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