Today, my cousin sent me a text from a movie theater.
Worse, he did it right smack dab in the middle of the day. On a Friday. On a cold,
ugly, windy Friday.
“How dare you!” I thought as I read it. “You have a
lot of nerve, dude.”
Didn’t he know I was sitting at my desk, looking out
a dirty window at the dreary, gray clouds existing on the other side of the
glass?
Didn’t he know it was now impossible for me to
picture anything else in my mind than him sitting in that big, reclining, cushy
theater seat, popcorn in his lap, big jug of sugar drink resting comfortably in
the soda holder, and maybe even if a bag of Skittles to wash it all down for good
measure? God, it made my water a bit, I swear.
Sometimes, envy is the worst trait to be stuck with.
Even if it’s temporary, and even if there’s no malice or contempt involved in
how it was brought forth, envy is still a bitch. It can leave you feeling
discontented. It can leave you feeling incomplete, knowing you’re missing
something better that’s located in a better place probably involving better people.
Damn, I wanted that popcorn.
I want that dark movie theater.
I wanted the free time.
I wanted the peace of sinking fully into nothing buy
enjoyment. No place to be. No thoughts to summon up to complete a task. No
energy to spend other than sticking my hand in a heaping pile of popcorn and
then licking the butter from my fingers.
I wanted that damn popcorn seemingly as much as I
ever wanted anything in my life.
But that’s the way life presents itself sometimes.
With envy. Even for something as inconsequential as a movie and popcorn. You
can bemoan your misery, or you can get over it and move on. Today, well,
honestly, I choose to bemoan my misery. Not the wisest choice, but honestly,
just daydreaming of being someone more preferable was oddly comforting.
Imagining myself in that theater, propped up in front of that screen, ears
being blown away by a kick-ass audio system. Yeah, today, I choose envy and
envy didn’t let me down.
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