I have the greatest respect for single parents. I've known quite a few over the decades, and like all parents, some single parents I would say have been better than others, but all have a rough job.
This week I've been reminded of my admiration. My wife has been out of town since Sunday and will be gone a week or so by the time she returns. My time has been filled with constant running back and forth between school and home, tending to a sick child, heading to the doctor, to the grocery store, to work, to the pet store, cooking, cleaning, and so on. The thing is, I know my time as a single parent is finite. I'm not truly a single parent. I'm a part-timer. That's not the same for "true" single parents. Theirs is an everyday struggle to keep the ship above water captained alone.
I do have a little experience in this single-parent territory. My wife works 12-hour stretches every other weekend, and we see her little if any during that time. At her previous job, she worked 36-hour stretches where we essentially didn't see her at all. During those days, I was pretty much on my own, fighting the good fight and keeping things afloat. But I know that this doesn't begin to qualify me as being a single parent. During all of those days, my wife was only a phone call away if I needed some backup, some inspiration, or a sounding board. If I needed to check out something about one of our kids, I could. If I needed to vent that one of them was driving me crazy and might not be present when she got home, I could. If I needed my wife to be the bad guy for a bit, that was an option, too.
Single parents don't have that luxury. They are it. They are the first and last line of defense. There is no go-to partner in crime to provide some much needed relief. From my limited experience in facing down a house full of children alone, I can't imagine waking up every day and facing that reality.
But there is a yang to the ying. I've noticed among many of the "good" single parents that I've known that they develop and continue to share a special bond with their children that many two-parent families never reach. I think the same is somewhat true of my family, despite being a two-parent household. I spend an inordinate amount of time, for example, with our four-year-old, to the point that some nights by bedtime, I'm ready to pull my hair out (if I had any left). But good lord if we don't do a hell of lot of bonding before I reach that point. And further, all of the time I've spent with my older kids, and they with me, in which we were forced to deal with each other in the moment, whatever that moment contained, was positive in the end. All the battles and differences and all intensity that might have transpired also gave way to a lot of communication and compromising and growth.
Some moments during these long stretches of being a "single" parent, I long for another adult voice to converse with, but I'm lucky. I know that voice will eventually walk through the door, and with it she'll bring some relief and reason and sanity back into our domain. I'm sure single parents have all types of the same relief built into their lives. I'm also sure they count their own blessings for what they have.
This week I've been reminded of my admiration. My wife has been out of town since Sunday and will be gone a week or so by the time she returns. My time has been filled with constant running back and forth between school and home, tending to a sick child, heading to the doctor, to the grocery store, to work, to the pet store, cooking, cleaning, and so on. The thing is, I know my time as a single parent is finite. I'm not truly a single parent. I'm a part-timer. That's not the same for "true" single parents. Theirs is an everyday struggle to keep the ship above water captained alone.
I do have a little experience in this single-parent territory. My wife works 12-hour stretches every other weekend, and we see her little if any during that time. At her previous job, she worked 36-hour stretches where we essentially didn't see her at all. During those days, I was pretty much on my own, fighting the good fight and keeping things afloat. But I know that this doesn't begin to qualify me as being a single parent. During all of those days, my wife was only a phone call away if I needed some backup, some inspiration, or a sounding board. If I needed to check out something about one of our kids, I could. If I needed to vent that one of them was driving me crazy and might not be present when she got home, I could. If I needed my wife to be the bad guy for a bit, that was an option, too.
Single parents don't have that luxury. They are it. They are the first and last line of defense. There is no go-to partner in crime to provide some much needed relief. From my limited experience in facing down a house full of children alone, I can't imagine waking up every day and facing that reality.
But there is a yang to the ying. I've noticed among many of the "good" single parents that I've known that they develop and continue to share a special bond with their children that many two-parent families never reach. I think the same is somewhat true of my family, despite being a two-parent household. I spend an inordinate amount of time, for example, with our four-year-old, to the point that some nights by bedtime, I'm ready to pull my hair out (if I had any left). But good lord if we don't do a hell of lot of bonding before I reach that point. And further, all of the time I've spent with my older kids, and they with me, in which we were forced to deal with each other in the moment, whatever that moment contained, was positive in the end. All the battles and differences and all intensity that might have transpired also gave way to a lot of communication and compromising and growth.
Some moments during these long stretches of being a "single" parent, I long for another adult voice to converse with, but I'm lucky. I know that voice will eventually walk through the door, and with it she'll bring some relief and reason and sanity back into our domain. I'm sure single parents have all types of the same relief built into their lives. I'm also sure they count their own blessings for what they have.
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