Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Day 143: Round 1, Ring The Bell Already


Relying only on yourself will forge you into a Hattori Hanzo blade that can chop the head off of any foe that stands before you. – Jason “Mayhem” Miller

Very much feeling this way today, and I find it positive. I find it reinforcing. I find it reaffirming. I find it empowering.

Today, I want to stand alone, battle alone, enforce my will alone. No offense, but I don’t want your help today. I want to find out exactly what I’m made of.

Look, there’s nothing at all wrong with asking for help, nothing wrong in seeking out assistance if needed. That’s the basis of humanity in my book. Ask for help and you shall receive it without question and without payment expected. That doesn’t make you weak or fragile. That doesn’t make you less intelligent or inferior. It makes you real.

But today, I don’t want assistance. Today, for whatever reason, I woke up wanting to prove myself, wanting to prove my mettle over and over and over based on my own merits. I woke up feeling as if today life was going to throw a series of never-ending inconveniences and responsibilities and tasks and duties and barriers my way. But I’m not going to shy away from them. I’m feeling very much as if I’m looking forward to the next pile of crap to fall out of the sky on my head.

Today, I want to take it all on and either fail or succeed but do it without any crutches. Without any excuses. Today, I don’t want to be propped up, picked up, or helped up. I don’t want sympathy. I don’t want to be consoled. If I fall, leave me lying. Leave me bleeding. The time spent on the ground will give me a chance to find out if I have what it takes to get up and get hit again. Spending a few minutes with my face in the dirt will give me a chance to find out how that dirt tastes and decide if I’m going to get up and spit it out or accept my lot.

Today, life, do your best to knock me on my ass. Punch me in the face as hard as you can. Play me for a sucker. Throw your insults my way. Belittle me. Challenge me. Push me and pull me. Trip me up. Make me take wrong turns. Doesn’t really matter. By day’s end, I guarantee you will not have broken me. Today, I’m feeling bad ass and full of fight, and that I find positive. It doesn’t happen nearly enough, and I intend to take advantage of it.



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