My
kid plays on a select basketball team. She has for a few years. For the
uninitiated, “select” means she had to try out, live through a cut or two, and
then be named to the team. But not the school team, mind you. A summer team. A team
of other kids her age who also had to try out and then commit to dedicating the
late spring months and then pretty much all summer to practicing and playing
basketball anywhere from two to six days a week, every week.
Over
the years, I’ve noticed some things and made some observations about select
sports. Some things I like; some I don’t. Like a lot of things I set my mind to
thinking about, I’m probably accurate in some areas and completely off base in
others.
Beyond
the considerable hours this commitment requires, there are other prices to pay,
including what can amount to a significant chunk lot of change both in terms
of helping offset team costs (tournament fees, practice facilities, uniforms,
etc.) and gas money driving from tournament to tournament and back and forth to
practices. Costs also include paying for hotel rooms and food and everything that
goes with traveling across or out of the state for a weekend tournament.
Perhaps more important, however, is the cost that the rest of the family has to
pay, because when mom and dad travel to watch their kid play, that means the
other kids in the family who are too young to stay home have to go, too.
Further, it means access to mom and dad for those kids is diminished. For mom
and dad, it means another obstacle keeping them away from whatever hobby it was
they gave up a long time ago anyway to de-stress and stay sane. On those weekends
when one parent has to work or it’s not feasible for everyone in the family to
pack up and travel along, it means the family is split apart. In other words,
we’re talking a lot of sacrifice that’s specifically made for one or two kids
to play a game.
Why
do it? There are a number of reasons. The hope of eventually obtaining a
college scholarship is one. The reality is that this won’t happen for the vast
majority of kids, but it’s still a hope. Another reason, and one that I find sad,
is that if the kid wants to even play on his or her school team, it’s almost a
given these days that playing on a select sport team is a must. It’s a must to
spend the summer playing dozens of games and spending dozens and dozens of
hours practicing that game and honing skills. There’s no choice because it’s
the summer months when you make the team or not; it’s not the tryouts. It’s the
summer months when you play against the kind of competition that will make you
good enough to make the team. It’s the summer months when you literally go to
work pretty much every day carving yourself into a good enough player to
hopefully be noticed and actually make the school team later on. Don’t play
select sports in the summer and you’re not just putting yourself behind the
eight ball, you’re not even putting the pool cue in your hands to get a sniff
of the game--unless you’re the rare exception who is so athletically gifted you
don’t need the hours and hours of competition and practice. Those kids are getting rarer and rarer.
I’ve
resigned myself to these realities, but I don’t really like them. I’m pretty old
school, I guess, and there’s just a feeling that I can’t get over that by
focusing so intently on one thing at such an early age, kids aren't as well-rounded and
diverse in their thinking and likes and dislikes as could be. I have no
evidence to back this up, but I know I’m not the only person who feels the
same. And this comes from someone who has played sports himself since literally
I can remember. My earliest (and many of my best) memories are centered around
sports. I always have been and always will be a sports fan—a big one. But while
I’m a fan of sports, I’m not always a fan of the culture of sports, including
the cultural aspects of select sports. Today, from my perhaps limited and
skewed perspective, where athletics are concerned, we’re turning kids into
specialists. Trained assassins. They train and train at one sport, developing
one set of skills, one mindset, one perspective, and one sense of being.
Worse
for me is the false sense of importance that gets heaped on some kids. There’s
a sense of elitism that bothers me. “Hey, son, the whole family is going to put
their life on hold again this weekend, and it’s all so we can watch you play a
game.” Walk around a few tournaments and you’ll see plenty of signs of kids
with over-inflated egos and a demented sense of self. The strutting and posturing
is embarrassing at times. Most of the kids I see are good and fine, but those
that I see leading their parents around by the nose makes me cringe. Watching
parents going so overboard to placate and dote on their kids makes me hurt a
little inside. It makes me laugh when I
hear adults say, “Kids today feel like they’re entitled to everything.” Really?
Where do you think they got that sense? We fork out thousands of dollars and
clothe them with the most expensive gear and roll them onto the court to do
battle like little warriors. We make them the center of the universe and then
penalize them for acting like they are. Worse are the parents living out some
kind of fantasy through their kids, pushing them down avenues the kid might not have chosen herself if given the chance.
Even
worse is watching the self-importance and grandstanding that some coaches
conduct themselves in. Talk about the center of the universe. It’s brutal, to
be honest, watching grown man stomp their feet and sneer obscenities and care
seemingly more about seeking justice in the name of “horrible referees” than
actually seeking justice in the name of something noble and truly meaningful.
Without a doubt, there are those coaches who are wonderful influences and do
commit their time to teaching kids life lessons. I appreciate and admire those
men and women. The ones on an endless power trip who define their life’s worth
on whether they win or loss, however, make me sick, and they’re not too hard to
spot. I’ve seen enough of them to know the difference.
All
that said, not everything about select sports rubs me the wrong way. Far from
it. There are those families that love watching their kids play but don’t make the
experience the end all be all of their lives. They have perspective. They
introduce balance. There are those families they do love the travel, and some
families actually love traveling together and experiencing new surrounding in a
way that's educational and fun.
Elsewhere,
personally knowing that my kid is working toward something she wants and is developing
a stronger worth ethic while doing it vs. being on the street or anywhere else
where she could be doing far worse things is extremely comforting to me. She’s
being pushed. She’s facing challenges on almost a daily basis. She’s learning a
great deal about herself. She finding out what’s she’s capable of. She’s having
her desire questioned and answering the bell when she gets knocked down. If you
don’t think that’s not going to pay off down the road, you’re crazy.
She’s
also having a hell of a lot of fun hanging around other girls who love
something as much as she does. She’s making new friends and being forced to
develop new relationships, and that’s a very good thing. She forging bonds and learning
to work collectively. She’s having to communicate in new ways. She’s hearing
things about herself that are flattering and not so flattering. She’s
developing thicker skin. She’s discovering her weaknesses and strengths both in
terms of the game and in terms of her courage and will power and inner
strength. Her mental acumen is being tested every bit as much as her skills. And
I’m learning all types of new things about her as well, which I’m delighted
about. I’m proud when I watch. I feel pain when she struggles. I feel joy. I feel a
sense of accomplishment. I feel a million emotions that have nothing to do with
me. I also like the examples she’s setting now for her younger sibling and the
opportunity she has to continue doing so in coming years.
Believe
me, I’m never hesitant to tell my kid when I think her ego is running out of
check. And I’m never hesitant to tell her she needs to say some “thank yous” to
those who are sacrificing their time and energy and resources to help make possible what
she’s enjoying. I hope she’ll always remain aware of being well-balanced in her
interests, but I'm also grateful for the associated lessons she’s learning by
focusing so strongly on one area.
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