Today is my wedding anniversary. I’ve
been married to the same woman for 16 years. I’d be lying if I said it’s been
all smooth sailing, but can anyone who has been married say that in complete
honesty? I can say without a bit a hesitation that for every rut my wife and I
have had to dig ourselves out of, it’s only strengthened the bond for the long
haul.
Are there things I’d change? Well, hell
yes, there are. But I’m not one of those people who says, “Oh no, I wouldn’t
change a thing.” Christ, if I’m not learning from my past and could have eased
the burden I put on someone else through better judgment, why wouldn’t I change
them?
Now, do I regret having gone through
anything that’s gone down during these 16 years? Hell no. I lived a hundred
lifetimes in that span. I’ve seen my family expand, morph, twist, turn, rise,
fall, spread apart, and come back together. I witnessed children come into the
world, become part of the world, take on the world, and create their own
worlds. I’ve found out more about myself through my wife and kids during these
years than would have ever been possible without them, and that includes a
whole lot of things I’m really pleased about. I’ve felt emotions I never knew existed.
I’ve accomplished things I never knew were possible. Hell, I was still a boy
when I got married. I’ve grown into a man during these 16 years. For that
alone, what could I possible regret?
I’ve been lucky. I realize that—even on
those occasions when I’ve flat-out questioned the cosmic forces at work by
asking, “What the hell, man? Can’t you pick on someone else awhile?” I think
back to my wedding day and all the people who made a presence, and it’s
remarkable how many of those people are still in my life. My closest friends
then are still among my closest friends now. My parents are still a presence in
my existence. My wife’s family is, too, and I’ve only grown closer with many of
them. My children still speak to me (most of the time). I (along with my wife)
was able to provide good, decent lives for them growing up. We’ve had a good
roof over our heads for 16 years. We’ve had food in the fridge. We’ve gone on
vacations. We’ve celebrated birthdays. We’ve played in dozens of parks. We’ve
put air into a lot of bike tires, balls, and balloons. We’ve eaten a lot of
cakes and a lot of bowls of ice cream. We’ve paid a lot of medical bills but we
are all still intact. We’ve enjoyed a lot of meals together and broken a lot of
bread. We’ve had a lot of arguments that we’ve survived. I’ve had discussions and
conversations with my kids that I guarantee a good amount of parents never come
close to with theirs. We've loved pets and lost pets. We listened to, shared, and watched music being played
together. We’ve shed tears belly laughing and crying in pain. It wasn’t always
easy, but it was always real and honest and intimate.
The best thing about these 16 years?
Without a doubt, it’s the inside information, the inside jokes, the
impersonations, the secrets, the details, the goods that only five other people
walking the planet will ever truly appreciate besides myself. To me, that’s the
definition of family, and family was made possible by marriage.
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