Day 116: I Need Your Advice

This week is a good example of those times when staying positive is difficult for me. I’ve been really down on myself all week, and for not really good reasons. I’m doing positive things. I’m recognizing the positivity in moments happening before my eyes. The setbacks I’ve experience have been relatively minor in the big scheme of things. Yet, I feel like crap about myself.

Encouraging others to stay positive is something I think I’ve always been good at. Having coached a lot of kids in a lot of different sports and having been coached myself has helped me learn that skill. Having my own kids who are of spread out age-wise and who are very different personality-wise also helped me learn different ways to communicate encouragement. That’s a must, because as a friend so aptly pointed out to me today, not everyone responds to encouragement and motivation the same way. In fact, some people don’t need much encouragement at all. They don’t want a pat on the back. They know when they’ve done a good job. Others need it constantly.

One thing I don’t think I’ve ever been good at is helping myself stay positive. I’m lousy at it. When I get down on myself, I really get down on myself, as in “you’re such a piece a crap” getting down on yourself. I have my theories where this trait stems from, and I recognize it’s certainly not doing me any good in the present or the long run to beat myself silly with the self-loathing. Still, for as long as I remember, no matter how much I tell myself, “You’ll be alright, kid, just keep plugging away,” there’s an a-hole voice in the back of my head that counters with, “No you won’t, sucka. You don’t measure up.” I tend to listen to that little bastard more often than the do-gooder who is offering me a glimpse at the light.

But how to smack the bastard in the mouth and shut him up for good? That I don’t know. What works? How does one keep himself up? How do one keep himself putting one foot in front of the other? I’m not a quitter. I’ll gut whatever it is I’m doing out. I just don’t always feel good about myself while I’m doing whatever it is I’m doing. I’m not afraid of challenges, either. In fact, the older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve welcomed them. But I want to learn to gauge my expectations, and if things don’t go my way along the way, I don’t want to feel like I’m toiling away for nothing.

So, what’s your advice? What words do you offer yourself to make you believe in yourself? What gets you through the struggles with a positive state of mind? Was there a turning point you arrived at? Is the trait inherent or can it be learned? I want your advice. If you read this blog, leave a comment here or Facebook or Google+ or however you ended up here. I’m always up for learning a few trade secrets, especially ones that will round me out.