Day 196: Deja Vu

I love deja vu. Always have. I seem to experience it a lot, too. Like I'm living in "The Matrix" a lot. Take my youngest daughter, for instance. Right now, she's crying in her bed, as she has just about every night for seemingly a month straight. She doesn't want to be in bed, so she goes through the usual laundry list of activities to prolong the inevitable until finally she resorts to crying. At that point, she can cry anywhere from five minutes to a good hour. It takes a lot of will power and focus to just ignore it. Just let it play out. Otherwise, you're just feeding the beast responding to each and every request that comes from her bedroom. "Daddy! I want a XX." "Mommy! I need XX." "Daddy, I XX." It's a vicious cycle that just goes on and on until the crying turns into whimpering and the whimpering turns into talking and the talking finally turns into snoring. Fortunately, these periods don't seem to last long and come in short periods. But each time it has happened recently, it seems like the same set of occurrences also play out. Sunday night. I'll tell my wife, "This is getting old." She'll respond by saying, "She never used to do this." And then I have a feeling of deja vu.

I've always been fascinated by the experience and concept of deja vu. I'd like to know who the first man or woman was who able to articulate the feeling. When was that? What brought the topic up? How did the other person respond. Cave man time? "Hey Unk, me swear me see that tree before." "Me know what you mean, Onk. Me feel me been here before." 

What I really wish is I was able to experience episodes of deja vu with other people. Like a group deja vu thing. We'd get together once in a week in some room in a church basement, hold hands, and experience the same moment together that we'd already experienced. 

What I'd like more is having the feeling that I had gotten smarter since the last time I experience deja vu, but that doesn't seem to be the case. Seemingly, I experience the same moments over and over again with the inability to know what I've learned since last time.

At any rate, the ability to feel different sensations and emotions than those that typically pollute a typical day is a positive. Fear. Euphoria. Exhaustion. Being overwhelmed. Being surprised. Feeling as if I've lived this moment before. I guess recognizing as much is occurring mean I'm paying attention.